Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to face your fears head on…
On the morning of the D & C, she had called him so they could go together but he had asked her to go, promising to meet up with her at the hospital. She took a taxi to the hospital knowing he would meet up with her there and would hold her hand during the procedure. Even if the doctor wouldn’t let him into the theatre during the procedure she would feel safe knowing he was there waiting for her.
For an hour, she waited for her turn to see the doctor.
The waiting room was painted a cool shade of blue that was almost teal, it had a calming effect on the nerves. She looked around her noticing vaguely that the waiting room was still empty perhaps because it was still morning. There was a young girl at the corner; her eyes were red rimmed from crying. Her heart reached out to the poor girl who looked to be about 17, their eyes met and the girl quickly looked away.
She tried calling Obinna again but he wasn’t picking up. She could feel the first stirrings of fear and she tried to squash it. She wouldn’t let fear get hold of her.
A few minutes later, a heavily pregnant woman waddled out of the doctor’s office. This could be her, she mused. This could be her in a few months but instead she was coming to get rid of her baby. The thought threatened to consume her and she recoiled from it.
‘The Doctor is ready for you ma’, a young nurse said rousing her from her musing.
‘Thank you’, she said standing to follow her.
‘This way to the changing room ma’, the nurse said leading her.
After she had worn the theatre gown, she tried to call him again. This time he picked.
‘Sweetie, it’s almost time where are you?’ she asked.
‘I’m sorry babe’, he said. ‘Something urgent just came up. Just carry on, I will be at the hospital as soon as I’m through.’
She was struck dumb, she didn’t know what to say. There was nothing to say. What does one say when the totally unexpected happens?
‘Sweetie are you there?’ he asked with concern.
‘Baby’, he called again when she was still silent. ‘I’m really sorry; I will be there as soon as I’m done. I promise.’
‘Baby please say something’, he pleaded.
‘I heard you’, she replied weakly feeling the tears trying to force themselves out. ‘I have to go now’, she said hanging up.
She wanted to drown her fears in tears but changed her mind about it. She’d save her tears for the post-D&C pains.
The doctor had given her a local anesthesia for the procedure so she was conscious throughout.
As she lay there, she could feel the fear envelope her. She couldn’t even work up the courage to chase it away. Finally, she decided to imagine he was in the waiting room waiting for her and drew comfort from that.
After the procedure was done, she came out hoping to see him and he wasn’t there. There was no need to call him for more excuses so she found her way home.
Once in the safety of her house, she let the tears flow. She cried and cried till she finally fell asleep. Later that evening, he came by bearing flowers and gifts. He pleaded and gave excuses. At first, she gave him the cold treatment but after sometime, when she saw he was at the brink of tears, she forgave him.
A week later, she was rushed to the hospital after she collapsed at the parking lot of her office complex.
According to the doctor, she had suffered an intra-uterine bleeding so they had gone back to the theatre to clean the place up.
She had recovered but the bad news was that there were some complications that had led to the bleeding.
She had a 40% chance of conception and less than a 20% chance of carrying the fetus to term.
She left the doctor’s office broken and devastated. Her office gave her a week of bed rest so instead of staying at her apartment alone, she headed to her Auntie Rita’s house.
She was still working up the courage to tell Obinna about her second visit to the doctor and it’s outcome when she saw his wedding pictures on Bella Naija.
Amazingly, tears refused to flow. She didn’t even feel any rage instead she felt numb all over-it was the end. Her life was totally over. How was she to start over again knowing that she was probably almost infertile. Doctors often used numbers and useless data to delude people into believing impossibilities…